Not sure anyone wants that long of a post out of me

Comment if you want me to post an entry

I'm in sbux almost in tears.

I can't do this

I want to be drunk and cry and basically just...not be around anymore right now

So yeah, I've been completely failing at blogging every day in September, but in my defense, there was about a week where all I did was work, sleep, and repack my lunch. It sucked, but it needed to happen because I *really* need the money.

After reading Tiff's latest blog, I almost feel like I'm pressuring her into coming. I'm sorry, but I was under the impression that she *wanted* to come and now it feels like shes only coming for me and she'd rather not. And really, that kind of hurts because I thought we were really good friends and that she was coming out because she wanted to see me too. Because we don't get to see each other all that often. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's just trying to please me....and I dunno. I feel like telling her nevermind on the whole thing cuz I don't want to stress her out. I'm trying to make it as easy as possible on her, but every thing i say to her to try to help, it feels like she get defensive over. I don't know what to do anymore.

Maybe I'm just reading too much into it and she does want to come, it's just something she needs to work through. And she assured me that her boss said she can have the time off and I mean...I'm taking a week off too. And I have bills too. And I've been out of work for almost 3 months and the paycheck I'm getting on the 28th is the first real paycheck I've gotten since I worked Mamma Mia back in what? July? Something like that. I'm worried about making bills too....but sometimes you have to sacrifice to have a good time.

If she needs me to pay for stuff while she's here, I'm okay with that and I thought she knew that. I'm almost crying because I don't want this to ruin her life, and yeah I'd be upset because I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing her. I consider her, Kateland, Katie, Rawan, Esther, and Jen my best friends in the *world* at the moment....maybe it's completely one-sided.

I'm so not in the mood to go to work and have to deal with hockey fans with all this on my mind. Luckily, I don't have to be there till 5:15 and hockey games usually aren't very long...so that's a plus. Won't be like that one day when I worked from 730am-1245am. That day suuuuuuuucked.

Everything hurts...

Posting this as a reminder to myself

9/17: off
9/18: Spirit of America - 8:45am
9/19: Spirit of America - 9:45am
9/20: off
9/21: Bluejackets - 5:15pm
9/22: Bluejackets - 3:45pm
9/23: Crew - 3:45pm
9/24: Bluejackets - 11:45am
9/25: off
9/26: Varsity Club - 11:45am
9/27: Bluejackets - 3:45pm

Yeah....sorry about that. But I swear I was actually cohereant and at home for a total of MAYBE an hour yesterday.

Worked 645-5, got home about 530, went to the store with mom, ate pizza....got online for like an hour, passed out. Up at 515. Ugh.

But at least I'm not really doing much at APWA...so far. I've gotten paid the last two days to essentially sit there and stare at a wall. FUN times. Not. I never thought I'd WANT to have something to do at work. But LORD I want something to do at work. 20 hrs of NOTHING over the last two days made me wanna SHOOT MYSELF.

Tomorrow I'm working the Revolve Tour and the OSU-USC game, so that's like 17 hrs. So really...don't expect a blog lol.

Sunday is the Crew game, Monday is back to APWA till Wednesday.

Just gotta keep remembering I need the money.....

I have some stuff running through my head I want to write about, but for now, it's dinner time. Expect a long ramble later. Probably.

Called in to CSC to schedule and only picked up one new thing. Unfortunatly, what I picked up was a day I was already working....lol

So now I'm working the Revolve Tour from 730-3 then the OSU-USC game from 430-?. FUN.

To-do list today:
*call in to csc - check
*interview at nationwide - 1120
*change title / plates on my car
*gym

I'll post a real entry later. PEACE AND LOVE

"Found"
Lost inside out I've been down this road before
I'm breathing in and out of my mouth
It tastes like something else I've waited for all my life
I'm done waiting now

I'm raising my head
I'm taking a look around
What now seems lost and faded
Surely can be found

Stay another minute there, wait it out
I am finding out just how good it feels to be so real
In this carnival of hopes and dreams coming true, coming true
All you do in this life echos in eternity

I'm raising my head
I'm taking a new look around
What now seems lost and faded
Surely can be

Raising my head I'm taking a new look around

Raising myhead
I'm taking a new look around
So what now seems lost and faded
Someday will be found

"Half a Day Away"
What a shame you thought we would always be the same
Just like everybody else
But I had those dreams of you and me on top of the world
So I'll wait for you to get off of this seat
And I'll wait for you to get off

Get lost, get by
Get low, get high
You've got to keep it from getting away
I'm on your side, are you on mine?
The world is half a day away from falling apart
I'm on your side

You were the one to hold me down
When I'd get too high up off the ground to see my feet
Leading me down a road I did not want to be on
But you were there for me
And so I wait for you to get over this scene, I will wait for you

To get lost, to get by, to get low, get high
You've got to keep it from getting away
I'm on your side, are you on mine?
The world is half a day away from falling apart
I'm on your side

In these last few moments here before the storm
We hope and we pray love will find a way to reign, yeah

I'm on your side, are you on mine?
I'm on your side, are you on mine?
The world is half a day away from falling apart
I'm on your side
I'm on your side

"Johnny (Pass Me Another One)"
It's Tuesday night and I head on over to the place we used to go
I got nothing to show for myself, I'm alone
I got nothing to lose, I got no choices to choose
So I sit down and have me a beer

Then one turns in to three or four
And next thing you know I'm half way to the floor
But I get right back up on that seat and say

Johnny, pass me another one now
I'll drink this one down
It's just me and you tonight

Tell me buddy, can you hear me out?
It's been three years and I can't figure out what to do
With the love of my life
I'm just so confused
Every day I cannot seem to find a way to connect my heart to hers

Make it strong enough that she feels it
Strong enough that it's real enough for me to believe
There are times when I try it
There's times when I lay
There are times when I cry
One day I will die all alone
I don't know when to do until then
I'll sit here and say

Johnny, pass me another one now
I'll drink this oen down
It's just me and you tonight

Somewhere in between misery and a dream
I find worlds collide
I feel like I'm lost and I don't even know what the cost of it all will be in the end
How can you feel when you let go of a lover who is so much more than a friend?
I'm just not the same survivor I used to be

Johnny, pass me another one now
I'll drink this one down
It's just me and you

Johnny, pass me another one now
I'll drink this one down
It's just me and you

Then one day she'll come walking through the door
And there's nothing I'd want more
Than for her to come to me and whipser
Baby, baby, it's okay
I know you made mistakes
But I'll take you back anyway
I need you
Baby, baby, I can't live without you
I don't work without now
Where have we been?

Johnny, pass me another one now
I'll drink this one down
It's just me and you
Johnny, pass me another one now
I'll drink them all down
It's just me and you tonight

"Stuck on Survival"
Running round in circles
Knowing that you're going nowhere with your life
Does it bother you that I'm moving on
And everyone's moving by you
Then step aside you to remind you
Everything is going on with or without now
You could come along
Pull yourself together right now
Nobody knows it but me

Stuck on survival

Standing by watching a million others go before you
To no be driven by something
You might as well forget your breathing
Then stop the bleeding to the beating of your heart
That lies inside of you
Down beneath the surface of your skin
The shields hit the pain you've been taking in
The last few days have been tough enough
Let alone all the years gone by and the frustration built up inside

Would you say that you were living?
Are you sick of existing?
Stuck on survival
With nothing more than getting by on your mind
Tomorrow is a lifetime away

We were born
We will die
With so much space to fill
So much time in between
Uncertaintiy and blatant indecision
You me be alive

But would you say that you were living
Are you sick of existing
Stuck on surival
With nothing more than getting by on your mind
Tomorrow is a lifetime away

Would you say that you were living
Are you sick of existing
Stuck on survival
With nothing more than getting by on your mind
Tomorrow is a lifetime away
A lifetime away

"There You Were"
I make my way across the concrete playground
Head on over to the east side of town
I'm prepared, I was scared, I didn't know what to say
I feat that I will fall in love with you
It's happening
Steady now, hold on to yourself
Five more flights to find you
The elevator opens the door screaming silently

There you were
Standing in the doorway
There you were
Come closer, come on closer

I'm holding on to the memory I created of you in my mind
Carefully cause sometimes it plays tricks on me
And suddenly I refuse to breathe subconsciously you take me over
We don't even move
I'm sleeping, I'm dreaming, I'm waking up screaming

There you were
Standing in the doorway
There you were
Come closer, come on closer
Let me see you tonight

Tonight
We will be together
Tonight
Make this last forever
Tonight
Come a little closer
So I can see you better

There you were
Standing in the doorway
There you were
Come closer, come on closer
Let me see you tonight

Please, come closer to me
So I can see you better
So I can see you better

"Love Lies Awake"
We'd like to think we've got it figured out for a change
No more confusion, delusion or apathy
So get it right, get it wrong
I don't have the time to keep dragging along
It will be harder when you're gone

Love lies awake in the middle of the night
I go tossing and turning
And my sould is burning alive
I am just a man trying to survive
Trying to survive

We say that it's alright
We say that's okay for now
But no more excuses
The truth is too delicate now
Somehow we turn off the lights
And go heading back out to the darkness as shadows of ourselves

Love lies awake in the middle of the night
I go tossing and turning
And my sould is burning alive
I am just a man

Why can't I figure it out - the way that I feel?
Why can't I not find a way to just make a deal with my head and my heart
That keeps up together or tears us apart
Either way, either way

Love lies awake in the middle of the night
I go tossing and turning
My soul is burnign alive

Love lies awake in the middle of the night
I go tossing and turning
And my soul is burning alive

Love lies awake in the middle of the night
I go tossing and turning
And my soul is burning alive
I am just a man trying to survive
Trying to survive
Trying to survive
Trying to survive

"Say That It's Over"
There are people dying across the Atlantic
For the red, white, and blue
There are people dying across the Atlantic
For other colors too
Tell me one thing you got from war
That you did not end up paying for dearly
My dearly beloved

Say what you needed to say
Say I needed to hear
I needed to hear that it's over
Peace is finally here

We're all different here
Isn't that clear
Isn't that okay
Can we at least agree
Not to live in fear of one another
No harm should you bring
No dangerous thing to your brother
I dream of the ways the world will change

Say what you needed to say
Say I needed to hear
I needed to hear that it's over
Say that it's over
Peace is finally here

It's finally clear
It's no longer freat that leads us now
It's poassible again to believe

Say what you needed to say
Say I needed to hear
Say that it's over
Say that it's over
Peace is finally here
Is finally here
Finally here

"Unbreakable"
When she walked up on the water like an angel
I was taken over by the sights and sounds
From above coming down
There was love
We were happy
It was so good, me and her together
We were two of a kind
We were both of the same mind

Love it don't get any better than this when your heart's on the line
Wouldn't it take a lot to let you go
We've been living, loving
Like two parts of a whole
Two unbreakable souls

We both talked about a lot of things
We don't usually share all in good time
We would both become blinded by love
We don't mind at all
In fact we came to fall
More deeply into
What it was that we knew we could do

Love it don't get any better than this when your heart's on the line
Wouldnt it take a lot to let you go
We've been living, loving like two parts of a whole
Two unbreakable souls

We've been living, loving like two parts of a whole
We're unbreakable

Love it don't get any better than this
When your heart's on the line
Wouldn't it take a lot to let you go
Living, loving
Like two parts of a whole
Two unbreakable

Love it dont' get any better than this when your heart's on the line
Love it don't get any better than this when your heart's on the line
Wouldn't it take a lot to let you go
Living, loving like two parts of a while
Two unbreakable souls

When she walked upon the water like an angel
I was taken over by the sights and sounds

"Hometown Heros"
You should've heard them screaming my name at the top of their lungs
You should've heard them screaming my name at the top of their lungs

I wish you could feel me feeling what I'm feeling now
Struggling to get it all out in the last breath I take

Signal, give a sign here
Send me an idea of something better
Tell me you understand
Tell me that you believe
Tell me there's nothing worth doing that's easy and we're gonna be
The biggest stars this town has ever seen

I walked on a wire pretending that I didn't know
I stumbled too close to the fire and now I needed somewhere to go
To shake it off and start to shine on brighter than ever before
There's something in me that just will not let go of this dream

Signal, give me a sign here
Send me an idea of something better
Tell me you understand
Tell me that you believe
Tell me there's nothing worth doing that's easy and we're gonna be
The biggest stars this town has ever seen

You should've heard them screaming my name at the top of their lungs
You should've heard them screaming my name at the top of their lungs

Signal, give me a sign here
Send me an idea
Of something better
Tell me you understand

Signal, give me a sign here
Send me an idea
Send me an idea of something better
Tell me you understand
Tell me that you believe
Tell me there's nothing that's easy and we're gonna be
The biggest stars this town has ever
The biggest stars this town has never
The biggest stars this town has ever seen

"See This Through"
There was a man with an ordinary life
Holding out his hand
He was reaching for something made for more extraordinary hands
He could not stand another minute waiting
He held his head up high
He held his head up high

There are better things
There are better things
Coming your way
I promise
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Long enough to see this through
Will you

There was a girl without enough to eat, starving in the street
She was hoping that someday she might find a place to call her own
Never be alone, another minute waiting
She held her head up high
She held her head up high

There are better things coming your way
There are better things
Coming your way
I promise
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Long enough to see this through

Will you
Won't you
Do you
Don't you
Want to see this through?

You can hold your head up high
You can hold your head up high

There are better things
There are better things
Coming your way
I promise
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Long enough to see this through
Will you
Won't you
Do you
don't you
Want to see all the better things that are coming your way, coming your way
Will you
Do you
Don't you want to see this through?

"Shout It Out"
Shout it out to raise the light
Shout it out to say
Shout it out for every man to earn her wage
Then it's true

People fake it all the time
We don't have to
We can lay it all on the line
And roll the dice

Shout it out for life
Shout it out for pain
Shout it out for your brother
To make his way
Wherever that may lead

People fake it all the time
But we don't have to
We can lay it all on the line
And roll the dice
Let's roll the dice

Shout it out for joy
Shout it out for peace
Shout it out for the love that you give and receive

Shout it out for joy
Shout it out for peace
Shout it out for the love that you give and receive
Love that you give and receive
All your life
All your life

"Awake and Alive"
We lived by the water
We were raised above the shore
When it got cold
We made a fire to keep us warm

We sat on the hillside where our history was made
We were living our lives cradled to the grave our own way

All in good time we will find our way home
Every place we've ever been to stay, we carry with us
All of these dreams that we're chasing
Keep us awake and alive

Pulling into Mystic about a quarter to five
I thank God that I made it here alive
I sat up on the hillside where much history was made

All in good time we will find our way home
Every place we've ever been to stay, we carry with us
All of these dreams that we're chasing
Keep us awake and alive

I wanted to be something that I am
and I think I could believe in the one thing
That I eat, sleep, and breathe
It's all inside of me

All in good time we will find our way home
Every place we've ever been to stay
We carry with us
All these dreams that we're chasing
All these dreams that we're chasing
Keep us awake and alive

All of these dreams that we're chasing
Keep us awake and alive